Have you ever been in such a determined pursuit of your goals that you’ve ended up short-changing yourself?
If right about now you’re thinking:
“Eh! What?! Mira, what are you on about?
I thought your role as a coach is to help people achieve their goals and ambitions.”
You’re absolutely right! I love helping ambitious female entrepreneurs to create a life they love while running a thriving business that lights them up.
So I will share a very recent personal story that illustrates exactly what I mean. (You may also relate to it.)
At 10:30am this Wednesday, sat on the bathroom toilet instead of jumping into the shower to be ready for a call at 11am, I burst into tears.
My loving husband quickly jumped out of his office chair and rushed to the bathroom.
This was the second ugly cry that morning for which he came to comfort me.
The first time, I cried in silence keeping the gazillion thoughts that rushed through my mind to myself.
This time, as he was caressing my head, sobbing, I poured out words he could hardly understand.
What exactly I uttered is now a blur. It was something along the lines of all the things we had done in pursuit of a dream and yet we had been badly smacked in the face despite doing everything by the book.
It hurt. It hurt really badly.
Because I realised that in pursuit of certain goals in the last couple of years, I felt like an important aspect of what makes us full of life and love our life has seriously shrunk.
Before you jump to conclusions, let me clarify one important thing.
Unlike many people out there, who have had terrible experiences due to Covid, this hasn’t been our experience. Thankfully, we’ve been fine in terms of health, finances, living in a spacious enough home for us to comfortably work in separate offices. (without the challenges of juggling home-schooling and full-time jobs.)
In fact, the lockdown has played a positive role and facilitated the pursuit of some of our ambitions.
Luckily being the boss, instead of pushing through, I gave myself the day off on Wednesday and allowed time and space to go inwards to reflect on what’s been happening and what needs to change. That’s when it all came out.
Journalling on the sofa, it hit me that while I had made certain conscious choices in pursuit of this goal, in combination with the restrictions of Covid, my experience of fun, enjoyment and adventure had massively shrunk.
To clarify, I don’t see the choices I made as deprivation but more as a way of improving further my health and increasing the likelihood of achieving the desired outcome.
Still, what has happened over time is experiencing my values of fun and adventure had massively diminished. Not that we haven’t found ways to have fun and adventures during Covid, but it turned out that it was far from enough.
Drinking a cup or two of specialty coffee daily, a few long (15-20km) walks exploring London and occasionally treating ourselves to yummy artisan pastries just can’t cut it in the long run.
The things that brought us joy, laughter, excitement, enjoyment, adventure (in no particular order) were running and our parkrun adventures and brunches; seeing my family and trekking in the mountains four times a year; swishing down powdery mountains, long-haul exotic adventures, weekend city breaks in the UK or Europe; laughing with friends; romantic dinners with fine wine at fancy restaurants.
No, I’m not going to start hugging strangers, downing gallons of alcohol or jet-set around the world recklessly.
Instead, what I’ve started already doing is asking myself:
- How can I have more fun today?
- How can I incorporate having more fun and enjoyment in my business?
- What adventure(s) can we create this week given the current circumstances?
- How can we indulge or treat ourselves in a way that feels good this week?
What can you learn from this?
I invite you to reflect on what is important to you in your life and dig deep into what’s truly been making you unhappy lately.
What’s that telling you about the values that are not being fully met?
When you identify that, I encourage you to come up with ways in bringing more of what’s missing back into your life in a way that feels good to you and is also possible given the circumstances.
Has what you’ve just read struck a chord with you? Can you see how pursuing your goals and ambitions may have backfired or left you short-changed?
To a happier you,
P.S. If you are finding it challenging to identify what’s making you unhappy or not coming up with good answers to the above questions on your own and would you like some help, do reach out and let me know. I’m here to support you if it’s within my capabilities.
I love helping clients uncover their real core and idealistic values and shine a light on those blind spots that are holding them back from creating the life they desire.
Image Credit: Marcelo Chagas – Pexels